subject to inspiration

i'm easily influenced. it's obvious, and you'll see why it drives me crazy. (if you haven't already.)

i've been to three very notable concerts and watched tons of dancing on tv within the past month. i'm not sure if it's because my love for different mediums of art or my love for the performers, but every time a concert or event ends, i find myself slightly more obsessed with the artists.. but more importantly.. i am always full of inspiration after things like this. 

this past weekend were the JB and honor society concerts, and i haven't been able to stop listening to their music since. joe's command of the stage, nick's gift for songwriting, kevin's shining personality, and honor society's exuberance while performing had such a huge impact on me. i know for a fact that i'm not much of a songwriter or a singer, but something about watching these amazing people perform flawlessly on stage gives me a little spark of hope. these artists drove me to attempt what they do every night for their adoring fans. (but unfortunately, they couldn't provide me with any talent.) 

even watching performances on television drives me to TRY to achieve the unachievable. watching the season finale of "so you think you can dance" and the season premiere of "america's best dance crew" made me want to stop watching and just get up and dance. from (first place sytycd winner) jeanine's beautiful contemporary solo to the hard-hitting hip-hop crew performances, each routine i watched impacted me in a different way. obviously, i lack training, skill, and coordination, but nevertheless, i wanted to try. (and i did. and i kind of failed.) 

art isn't the only thing that serves as my inspiration, either. for instance, after the demi lovato and david archuleta concert, i suddenly found myself just wanting to be a better, nicer person. seeing david's gratefulness led me to watch his youtube videos and read his oh-so-sweet blogs. it was his compassion for his fans and his good heart that drove me to look out for others and just be a "nice girl," as the wong fu nice guys would put it. (:

and again, i'm not sure why these events drive me to want to write songs, dance, or even become a nicer person. sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me; like being subject to vast amounts of inspiration is a curse because it gives me false senses of hope. but then i think to myself: how is this a bad thing? it could lead me to something that i love and am truly good at. sure, i may not be a b-girl or rock star, but maybe i haven't come across that "aha!" moment that leads me to my true passion. for now, i'll continue to do these things that i'm compelled to try. what i do may be a little extreme, but i couldn't stop even if i wanted to. if you take away anything from this post, let these words follow you: open your mind to inspiration.

if it kills me

sorry in advance for the bad photo quality. i couldn't find a screen shot on such short notice, so i took a picture of the tv. oh, and the size of the font. my computer is making it all jumbo.  -___- 

"... and baby, that's a case of my wishful thinking."

 i try not to post about the same subject twice, but i guess i really can't choose what i'm inspired by. well i can, but i think we're all drawn to certain things for certain reasons. 

 and with this said, i will transition into my topics: fate and dance. fate because that is what i believe i experienced today, and dance because that is what fate led me to. and vice versa, if that makes sense. (which i HOPE it will by the end of this blog post.)

 as i was getting ready to watch "so you think you can dance," i read some twitter updates to pass the time. while reading, i discovered that one of my all-time favorite dancers, travis wall, choreographed a piece for the show tonight. upon learning this, my anticipation kept building. when it was finally time for the number, i wasn't quite sure what to expect. great choreography is often ruined by dancers' lack of emotion, and i was quite fearful of this. 

 the title of the song being fading in at the left corner of the screen immediately caught my eye: "if it kills me" by jason mraz. not being the hugest jason mraz fan out there, i was curious to see if this song was as light-hearted as "i'm yours" or "lucky." of course it wasn't. i heard the opening lines, "if i should be so bold/to ask you to hold my heart in your hand," and was immediately dazzled by the intensity and passion packed into just those few words. it was an acoustic version of the track, one that sounded more intimate and added to the dance rather than distract from it. the blend of the choreography, the story line and the song was simply harmonious. now, because i want everyone to be able to form his or her own un-biased opinions about this dance, i will refrain from saying too much about it. i can say, however, that it made me fall in love with dance and all that it stands for: passion, creativity, grace, emotion, etc... 

 as a person easily influenced by both movement and music, i was, of course, inclined to look up the rest of the song lyrics online. unsurprisingly, the lyrics were just as strong and as beautiful as the dance. however, i found something that did in fact surprise me... and that was my blog title. right there. in the seventh line of the song. (it is also what i started this blog post with.) this may have been purely coincidental, but i'd like to believe that it was fate. what are the chances that i would witness so much beauty and inspiration within a span of three minutes on sytycd? maybe it's more likely than i think, but i have that little spark of hope inside me that says it was a sign. a sign from somewhere, someone, or just something. i want to believe that it wants me to dance. it wants me to express myself in a way that i cannot do as of now. it wants me to push myself to somewhere i've never been before. but of course, i know that this "it" is also partially fabricated in my own mind. but there's always hope, right? well, whether it's a supernatural force or my own desire pulling me in different directions, i know what i'm always going to be attracted to. call it "wishful thinking," but i just want to dance & "i will find a way to you even if it kills me." okay, maybe not KILL... more like injure. 

p.s. go listen to the song! it's quite splendid. or even better... watch the whole routine! (:

a great loss

the whole world has lost two icons today: farrah fawcett and michael jackson. however, covering these two tragedies would take a great amount of time and blog space. so i am simply going to write about the one who was closest to my heart. sorry. ):

michael jackson was an incredibly talented and entertaining performer. he was clearly loved by people around the globe who will all miss him terribly. the passing of such a pop culture icon called not only for mourning, but for a celebration of his greatness. unfortunately, what SHOULD have been a day filled with the most cherished memories of fans and family was ruined by--dare i say it--journalists. 

i know their sole job is to provide others with information, but today they went too far. following the jackson family's cars and standing outside MJ's house waiting for someone to question is one way to get info. however, it was completely unacceptable to run next to the SUVs transporting the family in their time of mourning. a lack of privacy obviously comes with fame nowadays, but to not have time to grieve after a loved one passes away is a whole different story. hmm.. and i will stop ranting now because this isn't helping anyone. but seriously, i was actually ashamed to call myself a journalist as i was watching the news during the coverage of this event. 

michael jackson has influenced so many people in so many ways. i'm very sorry to say that i was just recently reintroduced to his music in the past year or so. as a child, my parents exposed me to almost every music icon imaginable. i know for a fact that MJ was one of them. however, i seemed to have lost that admiration for such artists along the way. being so focused on the music that was "in" basically blinded me.. (or i guess 'deafened' would be the more appropriate word). it wasn't until i began rediscovering who i was as an individual that i revisited my first loves. inevitably, i found MJ again. listening to the whole "thriller" album for the first time in years left me feeling so invigorated. it was just soooo.. ironically fresh. i then realized how current artists were all inspired by him. sampled MJ songs were all around me, and i never even realized it. (i suppose this means that i was never really out of touch with his music. i just didn't know it.) and it wasn't only the music that was inspiring; his dancing was a feat in itself. after watching some of his old videos, i started to see how similar his moves are to the ones today.. only his were so much better. 

although he is no longer with us, knowing that michael jackson's influence surrounds everyone is a very comforting feeling. with everything he has done for the music, dance, and entertainment industry, he forever be missed. sad as this may be, his presence is still alive as ever. we couldn't forget him even if we tried. 

SAT

Gossip Girl: There are three things we do alone: we are born, we die, and if we're a high school junior headed for college, we take the SATs. 

according to most high school students, our futures depend on one number. 2400, to be exact. and if our "assigned" numbers come close to that, we might have a chance at surviving. and that's why we dedicate so much to it. hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars, countless hours, and maybe even some tears are all spent on one thing: the SAT. 

i never said i believed any of this. in fact, i don't think it's really worth it to stress this much. not only for the SAT, but for any test. some people are good test takers, some aren't. some can BS their way to get a good score, and some geniuses choke. we can't change who we are, and neither can tests. 

this is a short post for a reason. i'm not writing to prove anyone wrong or to challenge any amazingly high scores. i just want to say what i think about things like this. no matter what scores-- good or bad-- we may see posted on the collegeboard website tomorrow morning, it's important to remember that it's not the end of the road (or the beginning of a journey to become a millionaire). it's just a four-digit number. don't let it rule your life. 

besides, we still have another chance in october. (:

jealousy

if i were blair waldorf, i would die of jealousy at the sight of chuck and vanessa at this party. well, either that or i would send an anonymous blast to gossip girl herself.

well, i've been experiencing a lot of this blair-ness lately. not that i would get my revenge by spreading nasty rumors or anything.. just that something's got me a little on edge. haha.

i never thought i'd find a reason to appreciate jealousy. i knew there had to be some kind of justification for it, i just couldn't think of it until now. 

as a person prone to large amounts of jealousy, i'm always finding myself wanting what (or who) someone else has. in fact, i cannot think of a time when i am NOT feeling just a bit envious. 

up until now, i've seen this as a horrible curse. but then i thought about why i even get jealous in the first place. that's when it hit me: i'm only jealous because i like certain things and people. 

think about it: why would you be jealous of something/someone you hate? it only makes sense. we are jealous of what we cannot have. and we want these things because we like them. (or THINK we like them. but that is a whole different subject in itself.)

however, it is also possible to hate something you're jealous of. kind of confusing, huh? i mean.. you're jealous because you love, but you hate because you can't have it. 

with all of this said, jealousy is something we should appreciate. it exists because of adoration. it continues because of love. although it is a negative thing, jealousy depicts something very positive in the world. 

fly with me

"if it's you and me forever,

if it's you and me right now

that'd be alright, be alright."

you may be wondering why i don't have a picture to accompany this post. the answer is quite simple: no single picture can possibly describe everything that's going through my mind right now. 

i've been listening to the new jonas brothers cd for the past day or so, and one song in particular caught my attention.. like everything else that i come to love, this song did not make an impact on me at first. it wasn't until i listened to the lyrics that i became increasingly attached. i have a feeling that this song was written about a girl, but the way i interpret it is pretty different. it basically describes how i'm feeling about everyone and everything around me at this very moment in time. 

to me, the lyrics depict an amazing, momentous time.. one so cherished that it doesn't even matter if it lasts forever. just being in the moment is the best thing possible. 

the school year is practically over, and of course i'm happy. there have been so many highs and lows that everything is kind of a blur by now. it isn't the great memories that make me so grateful for this year, however. i think i am so thrilled because i made it through the year and learned so much about myself and others. without those low low low points this year, i wouldn't have realized my strengths and weaknesses.. and without those lovely high points, i wouldn't have discovered those people who actually care about me and who think i will succeed. this year has shaped who i am.

getting back to the point.. none of these things matter at this time. no one really cares about that chem test or math final or grand conversation anymore. everyone is done with their assignments for the year. it's over. there isn't any stress in the atmosphere. people are just going with the flow and taking things as they arrive. if everything could stay like this forever, "that'd be alright." but then again, the fact that there was so much stress this year makes times like these so beautiful.. so the fact that it's only right now is indeed "alright." 

to my surprise...

i'm supposed to be writing a paper right now, but i haven't updated my blog in two weeks.. so i decided to do this instead. (:

some cool, super amazing, fun, sweet, etcccc... things have happened in this time period, but i only have enough patience to cover a few of those events. i'll start off with my favorite occurrence; it started with a paper.

i've always been someone who kind of stays in the background and absorbs everything rather than be absorbed. because of this, not too many people know a great deal about me. in fact, i only share my most personal things with about two people. call me a total loner. it's okay, i know i am. ):

anyway.. i recently found out that someone outside of my, for lack of a better term, "circle of trust," has actually remembered some random facts about me. this person, whom i will not name, is one of the last people i expected to remember anything concerning me, mostly because we are sooo different. i, being a lame observer of everything, knew stuff about him. however, the fact that he knew things about me took me by surprise. it was a sweet (assigned) gesture that i will remember forever. yes, i am a loser like that. haha. if you are reading this.. thank you again. (:

hmmm. this took longer than expected. i'll finish this post later, gator. heh.

idiosyncrasies and impact.

this is my first blog as an R-rated movie seeing, year older than sixteen, not yet "legal" legal seventeen year old! i'll dedicate this blog to those who have touched me today. and no, not "touch" as in hug or anything like that. 

i think what made this birthday so especially memorable was how my loved ones showed my how memorable i am in their lives. i try not to name names in blogs, and i'll keep this tradition of mine in this write-up, too. so if i talk about you, you know who you are. (:

this day started off with a lovely little "heart" shaped card and a cute, creative crossword puzzle from one of the most amazing people i know. it was such an unusual gift that i didn't really know what to think of it at first. 

it wasn't until i got to my history class that i got to really look at it and appreciate its glory. this puzzle was all about me, so naturally i could solve it in a cinch. however, when people surrounding me walked by and stopped to try and solve it, they were stumped. this was when i realized what an incredible person my gifter was. some of the clues dealt with things that happened last year. some (actually, almost all) were inside jokes. and then there were the things that i had only stated once in the past. these clues were the ones that got to me the most. only one of the truest, most perceptive friend would pay attention to such nuances.. and i am eternally grateful to have this person in my life. 

i was also blessed with a splendid card made by another good, sometimes annoying, friend. when i opened it, i read the whole content without stopping. it may have been written in the span of 5 minutes (i don't know, though), but the words spoke out to me. they basically reviewed the little events that make our friendship so unique. even i couldn't remember some of those things right away. it was so cool how someone else found me interesting enough to keep in his memory. (:

when i got home, i was sprinkled with birthday cards from my small amount of family members. my sister was the first one to come up to me, holding a CD-shaped gift in her hand. i enthusiastically opened it to find the newest Green Day album. normally, a CD would not have such a strong influence on me, but this one meant a lot. this was the band i literally grew up listening to, and the one that i rediscovered along with my sister four years ago. i know for a fact that she picked this gift out by herself, and although she might not have been thinking of that connection when she bought it, i immediately felt closer to her when i opened it. 

my mom was next to bring a card to me, along with a white bakery box. assuming it was a cupcake, i opened the box, ready to thank her. to my surprise, it was actually an m&m cookie. (: i know this sounds totally random and impersonal, but this also meant tons to me. you see, i have been wanting this specific type of cookie for about 3 months, but i could never get my hands on one. i asked my mom a while ago if i could make a special trip to the bakery to get one, and was obviously denied. however, my wait was worth it. getting this cookie today was so meaningful because it showed how much my parents actually pay attention to me. hahaa. 

even now as i reflect back on these events today, i still find it amazing that these people know so much about me without me having to announce my beliefs and interests and weirdness to the whole world. i can't get over the fact that i've made an impact, no matter how small, on the lives of others. i never thought that boring, selfish, unintelligent, uncoordinated me could be capable of something like that. 

to those who contributed to my day and kept me in their hearts this whole time, i offer you my everlasting gratitude. thank you. 

seventeen forever

yes, yes. it is my birthday in about an hour and a half. but instead of going with that "another year older" approach, i have decided to dedicate this blog to wishes, of course! wishes that came true, wishes that didn't come true yet, and new ones(:

just off the top of my head, here are the wishes that DID come true this year:

- i became a part of the lovely spartan scroll staff.

- i had a totally bomb sweet sixteen, ending in a sleepover.

- i had a pretty good school year, academically. (minus math and multiply english by two.)

- i met some extremely sweet celebrities, including the jonas brothers for a short few seconds. (:

- speaking of JB, i had an awesome jonas-filled summer!

this is all i can think of as of now, but i'm sure more will come to me later. moving on, though... here are the wishes that i made last year that have yet to come true:

- PSYCHE!

yeah right, like i would jinx my wishes like that. hahaha. (x

to make up for that, i'll list some of my less-serious wishes for this year:

- have a splendid birthday dinner with my family. (i can check this one off now.)

- learn how to drive my lazy self around. 

- have an eventful summer.

- meet some more celebrities.

- get a good score on  the june SAT.

- go to vegas!

so those were my little selfish wishes. they probably won't even come true now since i listed them, practically out loud. it's okay, though. i still have my most important ones locked safely inside my mind. i shall save these for tomorrow if i get to blow out the candles on a cake. (:

changes

haven't updated in a LONNNG time, yet again. ): i've just been going through a lot. from journalism tryouts and skating practices to a QUEST hangout and awards ceremonies, i've been super busy and yet super inspired. i've had so many opportunities that others have not had, and because of this, i begin to wonder what i did to deserve it. 

i'm not going to go into any details, or even describe everything that's happened. i could very well do that, but i don't think just retelling such events would serve them the justice they deserve. i'll just say that there have been manymanymany things happening in my life, all of which have impacted me as a person. 

each event has been so incredibly unique, making it impossible to classify them as "good" or "bad." even our worst moments have bright sides to them, so labeling them like this just doesn't seem right to me. wow, i'm weird. hahaa. oh well, that's just the way i think, i guess. other people are welcome to do as they please. this is just my personal philosophy.

moving on... i've had the chance to become acquainted with some great artists within these past few weeks. i haven't met most of them, but just getting to know them through their art has brought me much closer. all of these are inspiring in their own ways, each bringing a different little bundle of talent and impact. it's people like this that make me fall in love with art all over again. and when i say "art," i mean everything from drawing and painting to singing and dancing. (:

it's late already. i have synchro in the morning. i'll finish up in the next post. 

spontaneity.

last night was literally one of the best ones i've had since school started. there is only one thing to blame for such a rare occurrence in my life: the lack of a plan. 

to kick off the night i went to a taiko concert to embrace my culture even more. haha. it was quite interesting, considering the amount of energy the performers had and the lack of enthusiasm the audience showed. i did enjoy it, though. (:

when i got home from the concert, it was about 10-ish. i actually planned on spending the night in and watching tv, but a last minute change of plans made everything much more exciting. we decided to go see star trek as a little spur-of-the-moment adventure in alhambra. as we approached the theater, i could feel my energy level picking up. seeing everybody out-and-about made me eager to be a part of the whole scene. the line we had to stand in to enter the theater made me even more ecstatic. i, being a bit of a skeptic, was expecting to see a mob of nerds with their spock ears and outfits waiting. however, i was greeted by a string of pleasant surprises. not one of the boys (and they were ALL guys) that surrounded me resembled a trekkie in any way whatsoever. in fact, there were a few cute, smiling faces in the crowd. from this point on, i knew the night was promising. (;

after the movie, which was my favorite of the year, we left the theater and hit up a local mcdonalds to get some food. even this small little event that helped comprise the night made an impact on me. i mean, it was 1 am and we were on the road, just cruising for whatever came our way. it sounds really lame, right? but it meant a great deal to me. this sense of being free from plans, schedules, and restrictions was something that i almost never get to experience. 

as we pulled up into the driveway at home, i took my tiny adventure even further when i decided to make dinosaur-shaped muffins! at this point, i just didn't want my lame-but-perfect night end. it took me a good hour and a half to finish, and i felt quite accomplished afterwards. i then watched the ever-so-talented justin timberlake host SNL as i drifted off to sleep at 4-ish.

i know my eventful night may have seemed a bit bland and nerdy, but it's definitely one that will remain in my memory forever. i think the whole beauty of the night revolved around spontaneity. those people who experience such a liberating thing often in their lives are the most fortunate, in my opinion. my whole life is scheduled to a point where nothing is really that exciting. to be able to break away from responsibilities and boundaries was the most exhilarating feeling ever. 

movement

third post of the week! wooooo! haha. i really need to write, since there's so much stress in the atmosphere. it's quite calming and makes me reflect on everything that's happening. 

when i came home early today after testing, i immediately fell asleep. when i woke up from my longer-than-expected nap, i was driven to turn on the tv and search through my long list of DVR recordings. it may have been the best thing i could have done, actually. uncharacteristically, i skipped through my usual gossip girl repeats and disney music videos until i found what i was compelled to watch. 

i'm not exactly sure what made me want to stop looking, but i paused as my eyes read "so you think you can dance." i hadn't watched that show in about 8 months, but something was appealing about it. i wanted to relive those enticing moments that made me fall in love with dancing week after week during the summer. i wanted to see something that made me want to get up and change the world without saying a single word. most of all, though, i wanted to witness some of the most gorgeous moments i have seen in my life during this time of never ending stress.

as soon as the clips from the season started rolling, i was drawn in as if i had never seen something so marvelous before. when the dancers performed their routines, i couldn't help but stand up and move closer to the tv, wishing with all my heart to be a part of something so moving. i even became a bit jealous that people had the skills to express themselves so beautifully and i didn't. (i've been begging my mom to let me take dance lessons for years, just to be shot down with a playful, yet burning, "you're not coordinated enough.")

obviously, my beauty find of the day relates to dancing. but i'm going to widen the category even more to include all forms of expression through movement. i find it absolutely amazing that people can communicate so much without saying anything. meaningful facial expressions and body movements say what a million of the most precisely-chosen words could not. if i had the ability, i would totally do a video blog consisting entirely of dance and music. unfortunately, i lack those skills i long so badly for right now. 

down time

i am in the middle of one of the most important weeks in my life. or so they say. but then again, it is my future (and everyone else's) that people are looking out for. 

anyway, it is indeed the season of those infamous AP tests. while other students are most likely not studying for their CSTs and enjoying early dismissal, the AP students are stuck at home frantically memorizing FDR's New Deal mandates or figuring out how to program some useful formulas into their TI-89 calculators. lovely, lovely, lovely. i can't say i mind, though. although these tests may cause a few gray hairs and twitching eyes due to lack of sleep, they are in fact a measurement of our ability to cram. that is a challenge in itself. one that drives people to the brink of insanity, sadly. and this is where my philosophy comes in...

i have seen too many people shed tears and words of anger over these assessments. sure, they do help indicate to colleges what type of students we are, but the world does not revolve around the AP system. i think we need to realize that these tests were developed to help us in the long-run. it may not seem like it, but it's true. without them we would have no idea what higher-level thinking is. we would not be challenged in school. we would be unprepared for times where determination and hard work are called for. 

as i was taking a break from studying today, i found something worthy of attention and surely beautiful: down time. as appealing as it may sound, studying for 12 hours straight is completely and utterly stressful. instead of working ourselves into emotional wrecks, just a simple 5 minute break every now and then will suffice. whether this down time comes naturally or needs to be forced, it is definitely important. without these tranquil, relaxing moments, i would be not be able to function. 

take a breath, close your eyes, maybe put on some music, and relax. it's not as bad as you think.

embracing my culture

i haven't updated in SOOOO long! i think it's been about 2 weeks.. not that anybody reads this anyway. haha. let's get this started!

okay, so over the past few weeks i think i've become rather attached to my asian roots. i'm absolutely positive that it started the day i met quest crew. i never really embraced my culture before then. i'm afraid to admit that i was actually embarassed of being a part of the asian community, but i'm not sure why. as sad as that may be, i am truly grateful that i am finally able to be proud of the one thing i cannot change in my life. i just wish i would have opened my eyes (no asian pun intended, hahaa) sooner to this marvelous feat that i now love. 

i have found a special place in my heart for each person that has also embraced their culture, from far east movement and quest crew to wong fu productions and david choi. just watching their videos on youtube and reading their blogs online has given me a life's worth of inspiration. it takes a great deal of courage, perseverance, and most of all, passion, to try to make a difference in a community full of young minds not always open to new things. for this, all of these artists, and ones i did not mention, have my utmost respect. 

i apologize for slacking off a bit on my search for daily beauty. however, i think this constitutes for a whole day's, week's, month's, and lifetime's worth of beauty: CULTURE. without it we would be nothing, and because of it, everyone is able to fit in somewhere in the world. if you are reading this, i challenge you: embrace your culture. no matter where you are from or where you're going, it is a wonderful thing that's too important to pass up. 

my anti-muse

after taking a much-needed (but too  short) vacation from nate this spring break, i have realized one thing: i don't think about other things besides him. this is quite a sad fact, for i've always thought that my mind was just overflowing with thoughts 24/7. this was entirely disappointing to me. how can i truly be a thinker if my mind is filled with such meaningless stuff? ugh, how lame is THAT? 

i was sitting down a few days ago just staring off into space when i found myself literally thinking about the fact that i'm thinking about nothing. maybe this sounds a bit confusing, but it makes sense in my head. haha.  i'm just so freaking mad at my mind. how could it have let everything get so... uninspired by everything except for one person? i don't think this person even inspires me at all, anyway. he is just absorbing all of my abilities and wasting them on stupid stuff. thus, i have named nate the anti-muse. i should create a villain out of this anti-muse fellow. oh dangit, now he's actually a muse. or is it because i'm still on break from him and i'm just becoming inspired by my own imagination? i don't know.. but i'll take it.(: wow, this blog is just a whole bunch of rambling and my thinking process. oh well..

about the beauty from the past few days... i was hoping to find something completely inspirational and tell-the-whole-world-worthy. but unfortunately, i came up with very little. i think the featured artwork of today sums it up quite nicely, though. it's about having your head in the clouds. although it says "i love you," we can just pretend that's not even there. what i get from it is the sense of freedom and liberation from the normal way of thinking. how about you?

transportation

i had skating practice yesterday. it didn't go that terribly.. i took some falls, but only two of them really hurt. lol. what's even better is that there wasn't synchro practice this morning! i finally got to sleep in on a sunday(: 

after skating i went to the alhambra retirement home for community service. whenever we go there, it seems like we're totally unwanted. i honestly don't mind, though, because it's not my favorite place to be. i know it's good to help out and stuff, but it's really depressing there. i don't think the people working there care about others, or it doesn't seem like it, anyway. they kind of ignore the residents and worry about what's easiest for them. i hope we don't have to go back anytime soon. 

next, rhiann and i wanted to make the most of our spring break... so we walked from fremont ave. to main st. in alhambra! i mapquested it today and it was 3.33 miles. and this is what brings me to the beauty of today.. erm... yesterday. TRANSPORTATION! we figured that we would just catch the bus or something, but little did we know that the buses only ran from monday-friday. so of course, we were left to walk there on our own. as i watched the cars zoom past our snail's pace, i couldn't help but think about what life must have been like without cars and stuff. haha. i think we all take it for granted that we have so much that facilitates our lives today. yet, people still find reasons to complain. :/ so yes, transportation. lol. 

ohh, and at main st. we ended up not doing much because... there isn't much to do anymore! haha. i got bobaaa and we shared fries.. and we took pictures. (: but that's about it. 

movie moments

i finally finished my homework assignments today! (well, i still have math problems to do and a section of the decades paper, but it's nothing.) i was just worried about the apush essay, decades paper, and civil disobedience stuff, but i'm done now! yay! time to relax/party/act dumb! (:

as a sort of reward for myself, i saw the hannah montana movie! i must say, it was really good. there were some seriously touching moments in it. the movie was very cute in general and i got a bit teary during some parts. LOL. ahhhh, so adorable. i'll have to go see it again! maybe tomorrow? i don't know. 

this brings me to the beauty of the day. i think it has to go to... romantic movie moments! sure, they might be cheesy, but you know you love 'em! for instance.. in the hannah montana movie, when lucas till's character asks "hannah" if miley would go out with him, i (and the rest of the theater-goers) couldn't help but say "awww!" what was even cuter was when he was looking at himself in the window reflection, holding a bouquet of flowers, and trying to make sure he looked his best for his date with miley. TOO FREAKING CUTE! maybe these things don't happen often in every day life, but it still makes for great dreams. (: i may get the real world mixed up with my fantasy world sometimes, but i think it's totally worth it. 

blame it on the...

todaaaaay was.. okay. i went to the mall with the family in the morning to have breakfast and go shopping. we checked out the new forever21. it was pretty cool, i guess. a bit huge for my liking, though. haha. i got some cool stuff(: uhh. two shirts, a skirt, scarf, and a BLAIR WALDORF headband to be exact. hehee. 

next we went to monterey park city hall to sign up to volunteer this summer. i was totally bummed that day care isn't going to be at elder at all. ): barnes is a total hell on earth, forreal. uggh. that means that i'm going to have to find somewhere to intern or volunteer at instead. greaaaat.. 

after that we went to the doctor's office to get the last of our freakin gardasil shots. the trainee nurse totally effed up on me. i felt the jab of the needle, then i felt something trickling down my arm. at first i thought it was the vaccine, but then i realized it was my own fricken blood. ewwwww, it made me feel so sick. i had to get out of there. lol. 

one good thing came out of that last trip, though.. and that is in the form of beauty. (: as i stared out the window of that office on the 7th floor, i noticed the sky. and with perfect timing, the channel 7 weatherman began talking about the weather for the next few days. i think this whole bipolar weather sitch is pretty cool. like, it doesn't give us enough time to completely hate or love the weather. it just gives us time to embrace it. yeahh. bipolar weather=<3>

bruises

todaytodaytoday.. let's see. i didn't really do much of anything.. besides homework. ): i really hate that just because we're off for a week, teachers think they can give us a month's work of work. it really sucks. haha. we don't even have any time to relax because we're so weighed down by it! i haven't had time to have any fun at all because i've been trying to finish all of these fricken assignments. pssh. so much for having an eventful spring break. -___- how lame, right?

besides homework, i worked a little miniscule bit on my pc. didn't get very far, though. i think i need more inspiration. ): yeah. it was kind of disappointing. hmm.. so there's not much more to say. oh wait, my sister is coming home tonight from washington/new york/gettysburg. haha. i didn't really notice she was gone, anyway. ehh, i guess i might have SOME fun now. i'm not really counting on it, though. LOL. 

onto today's beauty... i was just noticing this major bruise on my leg today. i think i've always been fond of bruises, but i could never exactly say why. today as i was staring at my leg, it kind of hit me. i was always proud to have bruises because they showed off what i had done to get such a marking. i'm weird, right? haha. i think that bruises are a silent way of telling everyone "i've done something i think is cool/dangerous/stupid and now i have proof!" they are great conversation starters and there's a memory that goes with each one. though they don't really fit the conventional definition of the word, i think they are in fact beautiful. (: and yes, the bruise in the picture is the one that inspired my little epiphany. 

musical progress

sooooo. i think i really made some progress on my piano composition today. you know what? that takes a long fricken time to type. hahaa. it's just going to be called "pc" from now on. LOL. 

i know that this recording had muchoooo mistakes in it, but i couldn't keep trying to make it perfect since my mom got home. not that i'm not allowed to play, just that i don't really like others to hear me making mistakes. 

today's beauty... definitely goes to MUSIC. i did not watch tv or do anything else because i was so enthralled by music. i sat down and just listened to ryan conferido's music for about an hour.. soaking everything in. too amazing for words, i must say. i think people take music for granted. i know i do sometimes. i don't realize what the world would be like without it. it's just always there. so yeahhh. music is beeeautiful. hahaa. 

sunshine

today was pretty okay, i guess. it wasn't very eventful, but not every day can be. haha. hmmm. it was the first day of spring break, so i got to sleep in. (:

i tried to work on my piano composition, but i couldn't really concentrate. i was too worried that my solitude in the house wouldn't last for so long. at least i started, though. i also tried to work on my handstand/freeze abilities.. which wasn't a total disaster, either. hahaa. my knees took some bad hits, but it's all good. i had no idea that doing a simple handstand used so many muscles. when i woke up today everything was sore. it feels like i'm getting stronger... and losing my fear of falling, which is the most important part. lol. the bruises and stuff aren't even that bad when i think about how cool it will be when i finally get it right. 

today's beauty.. i had quite a hard time finding it, mainly because i did not really interact with others that i don't usually talk to. however, i think i finally saw it when i was walking outside. i realized what a nice day it was. the sun was out and shining, and it seemed like quite a few people were enjoying it. we really haven't seen this much sunshine here in a long time. i honestly am not too fond of it, but i do like to see how others react to it. it seemed like everyone was just a bit happier and friendlier. 

universal beauty

it's 11:11 now. wishful thinking to the max. (:

i didn't come back on here just to say that. haha. i think i found my goal for spring break this year. and no, it's not to finish homework in record-breaking time. i'm going to attempt to compose a multi-part song. i'm not really sure if it will have lyrics or not. it all depends on what goes down during the next week. everything is kind of up in the air for this project, but i know one thing: it will be about beauty. 

it has recently occurred to me that beauty is not seen as it should be today. i think that most people see it as just a physical type of thing, but it's not. there is always beauty to be discovered. it may not be blatantly obvious, but it is still there, nevertheless. people need to be more open to beauty that cannot be seen right away, or even seen at all. this may consist of music, personality (cheesy as it may sound), or even compassion showed towards one another. 

back to my little project... this song will have different parts, like i said. each portion will (hopefully) convey a different aspect of beauty. i'm not trying to diss parts of it. i just want to show others how everything is beautiful. and if i'm successful, people may also see that all of these aspects are related in some ways.

this will probably take more than a week. while i'm looking for inspiration, i will document a different moment of beauty that i encounter each day. 

yesterday's moment (april 4): seeing everyone at the world of dance convention. it was absolutely amazing seeing thousands of people all supporting a single form of art. people of all ages were brought together through dance. it was very obvious that something special was occurring when we stepped into the room with the stage. it was packed all day, from 3 pm to past midnight, with people enjoying dance crew performances. the love everyone had for the medium of expression was breathtaking. it was truly beautiful.

benefits of wishful thinking

this is the first time i've had a blog. i was never really into it before, but i've been inspired these past few days and wanted to get some thoughts out in the open. 

with that said, i think i'll talk about one dreamlike moment i've recently had:

yesterday i went with lindsey to the world of dance tour in pomona in hopes of seeing Quest dance crew. i wanted to get my issue of the scroll signed, and this was the perfect opportunity. we saw ryan feng first and i went up to him, explaining about how i interviewed him and his crew a few weeks prior. i was quite surprised to see that he made a serious and successful effort in remembering me. (: the most amazing thing was his response to the page, though. i believe it went something like "cool! that is so dope! do you have an extra copy?" (oh, and of course i had copies. seven, in fact.) seeing him admiring what we had done was probably the most rewarding thing. he looked so appreciative. 

when we went back for the meet and greet with the whole crew, feng told the others about the paper. all of their reactions were absolutely priceless. i could tell that they thought we did something pretty freaking awesome with the page. they were such nice guys and showed that they were extremely grateful for the support they've had. they closed the show with a spectacular performance consisting of their best moves from the abdc routines. (including the britney spears one!) i think i fell in love with them yesterday. like even more than before. (: Quest is so inspiring. they follow their passions and encourage others to follow theirs. i think everyone can learn a thing or two from them.