a great loss

the whole world has lost two icons today: farrah fawcett and michael jackson. however, covering these two tragedies would take a great amount of time and blog space. so i am simply going to write about the one who was closest to my heart. sorry. ):

michael jackson was an incredibly talented and entertaining performer. he was clearly loved by people around the globe who will all miss him terribly. the passing of such a pop culture icon called not only for mourning, but for a celebration of his greatness. unfortunately, what SHOULD have been a day filled with the most cherished memories of fans and family was ruined by--dare i say it--journalists. 

i know their sole job is to provide others with information, but today they went too far. following the jackson family's cars and standing outside MJ's house waiting for someone to question is one way to get info. however, it was completely unacceptable to run next to the SUVs transporting the family in their time of mourning. a lack of privacy obviously comes with fame nowadays, but to not have time to grieve after a loved one passes away is a whole different story. hmm.. and i will stop ranting now because this isn't helping anyone. but seriously, i was actually ashamed to call myself a journalist as i was watching the news during the coverage of this event. 

michael jackson has influenced so many people in so many ways. i'm very sorry to say that i was just recently reintroduced to his music in the past year or so. as a child, my parents exposed me to almost every music icon imaginable. i know for a fact that MJ was one of them. however, i seemed to have lost that admiration for such artists along the way. being so focused on the music that was "in" basically blinded me.. (or i guess 'deafened' would be the more appropriate word). it wasn't until i began rediscovering who i was as an individual that i revisited my first loves. inevitably, i found MJ again. listening to the whole "thriller" album for the first time in years left me feeling so invigorated. it was just soooo.. ironically fresh. i then realized how current artists were all inspired by him. sampled MJ songs were all around me, and i never even realized it. (i suppose this means that i was never really out of touch with his music. i just didn't know it.) and it wasn't only the music that was inspiring; his dancing was a feat in itself. after watching some of his old videos, i started to see how similar his moves are to the ones today.. only his were so much better. 

although he is no longer with us, knowing that michael jackson's influence surrounds everyone is a very comforting feeling. with everything he has done for the music, dance, and entertainment industry, he forever be missed. sad as this may be, his presence is still alive as ever. we couldn't forget him even if we tried. 

SAT

Gossip Girl: There are three things we do alone: we are born, we die, and if we're a high school junior headed for college, we take the SATs. 

according to most high school students, our futures depend on one number. 2400, to be exact. and if our "assigned" numbers come close to that, we might have a chance at surviving. and that's why we dedicate so much to it. hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars, countless hours, and maybe even some tears are all spent on one thing: the SAT. 

i never said i believed any of this. in fact, i don't think it's really worth it to stress this much. not only for the SAT, but for any test. some people are good test takers, some aren't. some can BS their way to get a good score, and some geniuses choke. we can't change who we are, and neither can tests. 

this is a short post for a reason. i'm not writing to prove anyone wrong or to challenge any amazingly high scores. i just want to say what i think about things like this. no matter what scores-- good or bad-- we may see posted on the collegeboard website tomorrow morning, it's important to remember that it's not the end of the road (or the beginning of a journey to become a millionaire). it's just a four-digit number. don't let it rule your life. 

besides, we still have another chance in october. (:

jealousy

if i were blair waldorf, i would die of jealousy at the sight of chuck and vanessa at this party. well, either that or i would send an anonymous blast to gossip girl herself.

well, i've been experiencing a lot of this blair-ness lately. not that i would get my revenge by spreading nasty rumors or anything.. just that something's got me a little on edge. haha.

i never thought i'd find a reason to appreciate jealousy. i knew there had to be some kind of justification for it, i just couldn't think of it until now. 

as a person prone to large amounts of jealousy, i'm always finding myself wanting what (or who) someone else has. in fact, i cannot think of a time when i am NOT feeling just a bit envious. 

up until now, i've seen this as a horrible curse. but then i thought about why i even get jealous in the first place. that's when it hit me: i'm only jealous because i like certain things and people. 

think about it: why would you be jealous of something/someone you hate? it only makes sense. we are jealous of what we cannot have. and we want these things because we like them. (or THINK we like them. but that is a whole different subject in itself.)

however, it is also possible to hate something you're jealous of. kind of confusing, huh? i mean.. you're jealous because you love, but you hate because you can't have it. 

with all of this said, jealousy is something we should appreciate. it exists because of adoration. it continues because of love. although it is a negative thing, jealousy depicts something very positive in the world. 

fly with me

"if it's you and me forever,

if it's you and me right now

that'd be alright, be alright."

you may be wondering why i don't have a picture to accompany this post. the answer is quite simple: no single picture can possibly describe everything that's going through my mind right now. 

i've been listening to the new jonas brothers cd for the past day or so, and one song in particular caught my attention.. like everything else that i come to love, this song did not make an impact on me at first. it wasn't until i listened to the lyrics that i became increasingly attached. i have a feeling that this song was written about a girl, but the way i interpret it is pretty different. it basically describes how i'm feeling about everyone and everything around me at this very moment in time. 

to me, the lyrics depict an amazing, momentous time.. one so cherished that it doesn't even matter if it lasts forever. just being in the moment is the best thing possible. 

the school year is practically over, and of course i'm happy. there have been so many highs and lows that everything is kind of a blur by now. it isn't the great memories that make me so grateful for this year, however. i think i am so thrilled because i made it through the year and learned so much about myself and others. without those low low low points this year, i wouldn't have realized my strengths and weaknesses.. and without those lovely high points, i wouldn't have discovered those people who actually care about me and who think i will succeed. this year has shaped who i am.

getting back to the point.. none of these things matter at this time. no one really cares about that chem test or math final or grand conversation anymore. everyone is done with their assignments for the year. it's over. there isn't any stress in the atmosphere. people are just going with the flow and taking things as they arrive. if everything could stay like this forever, "that'd be alright." but then again, the fact that there was so much stress this year makes times like these so beautiful.. so the fact that it's only right now is indeed "alright." 

to my surprise...

i'm supposed to be writing a paper right now, but i haven't updated my blog in two weeks.. so i decided to do this instead. (:

some cool, super amazing, fun, sweet, etcccc... things have happened in this time period, but i only have enough patience to cover a few of those events. i'll start off with my favorite occurrence; it started with a paper.

i've always been someone who kind of stays in the background and absorbs everything rather than be absorbed. because of this, not too many people know a great deal about me. in fact, i only share my most personal things with about two people. call me a total loner. it's okay, i know i am. ):

anyway.. i recently found out that someone outside of my, for lack of a better term, "circle of trust," has actually remembered some random facts about me. this person, whom i will not name, is one of the last people i expected to remember anything concerning me, mostly because we are sooo different. i, being a lame observer of everything, knew stuff about him. however, the fact that he knew things about me took me by surprise. it was a sweet (assigned) gesture that i will remember forever. yes, i am a loser like that. haha. if you are reading this.. thank you again. (:

hmmm. this took longer than expected. i'll finish this post later, gator. heh.

idiosyncrasies and impact.

this is my first blog as an R-rated movie seeing, year older than sixteen, not yet "legal" legal seventeen year old! i'll dedicate this blog to those who have touched me today. and no, not "touch" as in hug or anything like that. 

i think what made this birthday so especially memorable was how my loved ones showed my how memorable i am in their lives. i try not to name names in blogs, and i'll keep this tradition of mine in this write-up, too. so if i talk about you, you know who you are. (:

this day started off with a lovely little "heart" shaped card and a cute, creative crossword puzzle from one of the most amazing people i know. it was such an unusual gift that i didn't really know what to think of it at first. 

it wasn't until i got to my history class that i got to really look at it and appreciate its glory. this puzzle was all about me, so naturally i could solve it in a cinch. however, when people surrounding me walked by and stopped to try and solve it, they were stumped. this was when i realized what an incredible person my gifter was. some of the clues dealt with things that happened last year. some (actually, almost all) were inside jokes. and then there were the things that i had only stated once in the past. these clues were the ones that got to me the most. only one of the truest, most perceptive friend would pay attention to such nuances.. and i am eternally grateful to have this person in my life. 

i was also blessed with a splendid card made by another good, sometimes annoying, friend. when i opened it, i read the whole content without stopping. it may have been written in the span of 5 minutes (i don't know, though), but the words spoke out to me. they basically reviewed the little events that make our friendship so unique. even i couldn't remember some of those things right away. it was so cool how someone else found me interesting enough to keep in his memory. (:

when i got home, i was sprinkled with birthday cards from my small amount of family members. my sister was the first one to come up to me, holding a CD-shaped gift in her hand. i enthusiastically opened it to find the newest Green Day album. normally, a CD would not have such a strong influence on me, but this one meant a lot. this was the band i literally grew up listening to, and the one that i rediscovered along with my sister four years ago. i know for a fact that she picked this gift out by herself, and although she might not have been thinking of that connection when she bought it, i immediately felt closer to her when i opened it. 

my mom was next to bring a card to me, along with a white bakery box. assuming it was a cupcake, i opened the box, ready to thank her. to my surprise, it was actually an m&m cookie. (: i know this sounds totally random and impersonal, but this also meant tons to me. you see, i have been wanting this specific type of cookie for about 3 months, but i could never get my hands on one. i asked my mom a while ago if i could make a special trip to the bakery to get one, and was obviously denied. however, my wait was worth it. getting this cookie today was so meaningful because it showed how much my parents actually pay attention to me. hahaa. 

even now as i reflect back on these events today, i still find it amazing that these people know so much about me without me having to announce my beliefs and interests and weirdness to the whole world. i can't get over the fact that i've made an impact, no matter how small, on the lives of others. i never thought that boring, selfish, unintelligent, uncoordinated me could be capable of something like that. 

to those who contributed to my day and kept me in their hearts this whole time, i offer you my everlasting gratitude. thank you. 

seventeen forever

yes, yes. it is my birthday in about an hour and a half. but instead of going with that "another year older" approach, i have decided to dedicate this blog to wishes, of course! wishes that came true, wishes that didn't come true yet, and new ones(:

just off the top of my head, here are the wishes that DID come true this year:

- i became a part of the lovely spartan scroll staff.

- i had a totally bomb sweet sixteen, ending in a sleepover.

- i had a pretty good school year, academically. (minus math and multiply english by two.)

- i met some extremely sweet celebrities, including the jonas brothers for a short few seconds. (:

- speaking of JB, i had an awesome jonas-filled summer!

this is all i can think of as of now, but i'm sure more will come to me later. moving on, though... here are the wishes that i made last year that have yet to come true:

- PSYCHE!

yeah right, like i would jinx my wishes like that. hahaha. (x

to make up for that, i'll list some of my less-serious wishes for this year:

- have a splendid birthday dinner with my family. (i can check this one off now.)

- learn how to drive my lazy self around. 

- have an eventful summer.

- meet some more celebrities.

- get a good score on  the june SAT.

- go to vegas!

so those were my little selfish wishes. they probably won't even come true now since i listed them, practically out loud. it's okay, though. i still have my most important ones locked safely inside my mind. i shall save these for tomorrow if i get to blow out the candles on a cake. (: