reflecting on wishes

another one of my random blog posts..

if you're reading this.. thanks for following all of my "wishful thinking" throughout the months on this site (& maybe in my column?). i don't think i have too many readers, though. ANYWAY, let's get started..

i actually just went back and read some of my first posts.. and wow. i've changed sooo much! haha. i know that's kind of expected, but i didn't really think it would really happen. gee, and this whole time i've been thinking "i'm the same person i was a year ago!" (x

one post that caught my attention was the one i wrote on the night before my birthday. i typed up a list of small little wishes that i wanted to come true:

- have a splendid birthday dinner with my family. (i can check this one off now.)

- learn how to drive my lazy self around.

- have an eventful summer.

- meet some more celebrities.

- get a good score on the june SAT.

- go to vegas!

i thought it was kind of cool that, even though i still have a few months until my birthday, i can already check all of these things off of my list. i'm not going to elaborate on anything because it'll take too long. haha. but yes, i think i've fulfilled each and every one of these little things.

so what now? time for a new list! i think i'll call this one.. "things to do before i graduate." here goes (and again, these will be very minor things. i don't want to jinx anything!)...

before i graduate, i vow to...

-actually complete an original song

-throw a party. any type of party.

-get straight A's

-pull a really awesome prank on someone

i know that this is an incredibly short list.. but there's a simple explanation for that: i'm really content with my life. there's nothing that i'm absolutely dying to do. i almost never think "fml" when something doesn't go my way. i'm just.. fine. sure, there are some things that i'd like to change. but there's always going to be something that isn't quite perfect. in terms of friendships, i'm going to quote a hellogoodbye song (partially because i really like it, and partially because it's the first thing that came to mind): "i like where we are. here." my friends are freakin' great. all of you. thank you so much for sticking by my side. <3

p.s. i'd love it if some people would help me check off the things on my new list. i can't do it alone. well, i could. but it wouldn't be as much fun. (:

it could be worse

this post is for my girlies who are going through rough/confusing times right now. (: i hope this helps.

you see the sunshine peering through the clouds in the picture? that light represents the cheesiest, most clichéd, hope imaginable. and of course, the clouds are what you're going through right now. i know you may not think this, but hey, things could be worse. he could've said no. he could've ignored you. he could've lied. etccc...

i think the trick to getting over these debbie (not to be confused with the lovely debbi) downer times is to really focus on the positive things that actually have happened. yes, that sounds totally lame. and no, you may not think that there are positive aspects to your situations. but you know what? there is always more positive than negative. it may be a bit hard to dig deep enough to locate it, but it's there. trust me. if you read my blog info, you would know that i have a pessimist front with an optimistic mind. & this is the optimism shining through those icky rain clouds right now. (:

so instead of sitting around late at night/early in the morning thinking things like "what if it's all out of pity?" and "why did i have to be that girl?", just remember how lucky you are in the first place. we've all been blessed with wonderful (and sometimes jerk-like) people in our lives, and without them, none of us would be the same. until you know for sure that you've been cursed for life, i say just keep your head up and ignore those obnoxious little voices in your minds that tell you guys that you aren't good enough for whatever or whomever. even if things don't work out (and statistically, some things are bound to go wrong. sorry.), just view the opportunity as a learning experience and move forward. keep it positive!

to be continued..

i'm confused.

i'm indecisive.

i'm lacking inspiration.

i just need to figure everything out before i start writing again.

sorry.

subject to inspiration

i'm easily influenced. it's obvious, and you'll see why it drives me crazy. (if you haven't already.)

i've been to three very notable concerts and watched tons of dancing on tv within the past month. i'm not sure if it's because my love for different mediums of art or my love for the performers, but every time a concert or event ends, i find myself slightly more obsessed with the artists.. but more importantly.. i am always full of inspiration after things like this. 

this past weekend were the JB and honor society concerts, and i haven't been able to stop listening to their music since. joe's command of the stage, nick's gift for songwriting, kevin's shining personality, and honor society's exuberance while performing had such a huge impact on me. i know for a fact that i'm not much of a songwriter or a singer, but something about watching these amazing people perform flawlessly on stage gives me a little spark of hope. these artists drove me to attempt what they do every night for their adoring fans. (but unfortunately, they couldn't provide me with any talent.) 

even watching performances on television drives me to TRY to achieve the unachievable. watching the season finale of "so you think you can dance" and the season premiere of "america's best dance crew" made me want to stop watching and just get up and dance. from (first place sytycd winner) jeanine's beautiful contemporary solo to the hard-hitting hip-hop crew performances, each routine i watched impacted me in a different way. obviously, i lack training, skill, and coordination, but nevertheless, i wanted to try. (and i did. and i kind of failed.) 

art isn't the only thing that serves as my inspiration, either. for instance, after the demi lovato and david archuleta concert, i suddenly found myself just wanting to be a better, nicer person. seeing david's gratefulness led me to watch his youtube videos and read his oh-so-sweet blogs. it was his compassion for his fans and his good heart that drove me to look out for others and just be a "nice girl," as the wong fu nice guys would put it. (:

and again, i'm not sure why these events drive me to want to write songs, dance, or even become a nicer person. sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me; like being subject to vast amounts of inspiration is a curse because it gives me false senses of hope. but then i think to myself: how is this a bad thing? it could lead me to something that i love and am truly good at. sure, i may not be a b-girl or rock star, but maybe i haven't come across that "aha!" moment that leads me to my true passion. for now, i'll continue to do these things that i'm compelled to try. what i do may be a little extreme, but i couldn't stop even if i wanted to. if you take away anything from this post, let these words follow you: open your mind to inspiration.

if it kills me

sorry in advance for the bad photo quality. i couldn't find a screen shot on such short notice, so i took a picture of the tv. oh, and the size of the font. my computer is making it all jumbo.  -___- 

"... and baby, that's a case of my wishful thinking."

 i try not to post about the same subject twice, but i guess i really can't choose what i'm inspired by. well i can, but i think we're all drawn to certain things for certain reasons. 

 and with this said, i will transition into my topics: fate and dance. fate because that is what i believe i experienced today, and dance because that is what fate led me to. and vice versa, if that makes sense. (which i HOPE it will by the end of this blog post.)

 as i was getting ready to watch "so you think you can dance," i read some twitter updates to pass the time. while reading, i discovered that one of my all-time favorite dancers, travis wall, choreographed a piece for the show tonight. upon learning this, my anticipation kept building. when it was finally time for the number, i wasn't quite sure what to expect. great choreography is often ruined by dancers' lack of emotion, and i was quite fearful of this. 

 the title of the song being fading in at the left corner of the screen immediately caught my eye: "if it kills me" by jason mraz. not being the hugest jason mraz fan out there, i was curious to see if this song was as light-hearted as "i'm yours" or "lucky." of course it wasn't. i heard the opening lines, "if i should be so bold/to ask you to hold my heart in your hand," and was immediately dazzled by the intensity and passion packed into just those few words. it was an acoustic version of the track, one that sounded more intimate and added to the dance rather than distract from it. the blend of the choreography, the story line and the song was simply harmonious. now, because i want everyone to be able to form his or her own un-biased opinions about this dance, i will refrain from saying too much about it. i can say, however, that it made me fall in love with dance and all that it stands for: passion, creativity, grace, emotion, etc... 

 as a person easily influenced by both movement and music, i was, of course, inclined to look up the rest of the song lyrics online. unsurprisingly, the lyrics were just as strong and as beautiful as the dance. however, i found something that did in fact surprise me... and that was my blog title. right there. in the seventh line of the song. (it is also what i started this blog post with.) this may have been purely coincidental, but i'd like to believe that it was fate. what are the chances that i would witness so much beauty and inspiration within a span of three minutes on sytycd? maybe it's more likely than i think, but i have that little spark of hope inside me that says it was a sign. a sign from somewhere, someone, or just something. i want to believe that it wants me to dance. it wants me to express myself in a way that i cannot do as of now. it wants me to push myself to somewhere i've never been before. but of course, i know that this "it" is also partially fabricated in my own mind. but there's always hope, right? well, whether it's a supernatural force or my own desire pulling me in different directions, i know what i'm always going to be attracted to. call it "wishful thinking," but i just want to dance & "i will find a way to you even if it kills me." okay, maybe not KILL... more like injure. 

p.s. go listen to the song! it's quite splendid. or even better... watch the whole routine! (:

a great loss

the whole world has lost two icons today: farrah fawcett and michael jackson. however, covering these two tragedies would take a great amount of time and blog space. so i am simply going to write about the one who was closest to my heart. sorry. ):

michael jackson was an incredibly talented and entertaining performer. he was clearly loved by people around the globe who will all miss him terribly. the passing of such a pop culture icon called not only for mourning, but for a celebration of his greatness. unfortunately, what SHOULD have been a day filled with the most cherished memories of fans and family was ruined by--dare i say it--journalists. 

i know their sole job is to provide others with information, but today they went too far. following the jackson family's cars and standing outside MJ's house waiting for someone to question is one way to get info. however, it was completely unacceptable to run next to the SUVs transporting the family in their time of mourning. a lack of privacy obviously comes with fame nowadays, but to not have time to grieve after a loved one passes away is a whole different story. hmm.. and i will stop ranting now because this isn't helping anyone. but seriously, i was actually ashamed to call myself a journalist as i was watching the news during the coverage of this event. 

michael jackson has influenced so many people in so many ways. i'm very sorry to say that i was just recently reintroduced to his music in the past year or so. as a child, my parents exposed me to almost every music icon imaginable. i know for a fact that MJ was one of them. however, i seemed to have lost that admiration for such artists along the way. being so focused on the music that was "in" basically blinded me.. (or i guess 'deafened' would be the more appropriate word). it wasn't until i began rediscovering who i was as an individual that i revisited my first loves. inevitably, i found MJ again. listening to the whole "thriller" album for the first time in years left me feeling so invigorated. it was just soooo.. ironically fresh. i then realized how current artists were all inspired by him. sampled MJ songs were all around me, and i never even realized it. (i suppose this means that i was never really out of touch with his music. i just didn't know it.) and it wasn't only the music that was inspiring; his dancing was a feat in itself. after watching some of his old videos, i started to see how similar his moves are to the ones today.. only his were so much better. 

although he is no longer with us, knowing that michael jackson's influence surrounds everyone is a very comforting feeling. with everything he has done for the music, dance, and entertainment industry, he forever be missed. sad as this may be, his presence is still alive as ever. we couldn't forget him even if we tried. 

SAT

Gossip Girl: There are three things we do alone: we are born, we die, and if we're a high school junior headed for college, we take the SATs. 

according to most high school students, our futures depend on one number. 2400, to be exact. and if our "assigned" numbers come close to that, we might have a chance at surviving. and that's why we dedicate so much to it. hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars, countless hours, and maybe even some tears are all spent on one thing: the SAT. 

i never said i believed any of this. in fact, i don't think it's really worth it to stress this much. not only for the SAT, but for any test. some people are good test takers, some aren't. some can BS their way to get a good score, and some geniuses choke. we can't change who we are, and neither can tests. 

this is a short post for a reason. i'm not writing to prove anyone wrong or to challenge any amazingly high scores. i just want to say what i think about things like this. no matter what scores-- good or bad-- we may see posted on the collegeboard website tomorrow morning, it's important to remember that it's not the end of the road (or the beginning of a journey to become a millionaire). it's just a four-digit number. don't let it rule your life. 

besides, we still have another chance in october. (: